The Disaster Diaries: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse Read online

  ‘Logan?’ asked a female voice.

  I glanced at the woman standing in front of me. She had a Collie on the lead. The woman was an inch or two shorter than me. She was slim and pretty. Her long blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail and eyes filled with regret looked straight at me. The woman looked like an angel on the outside, but she had the heart of a devil on the inside. It was my ex-girlfriend, Samantha.

  ‘I don’t want to talk to you.’

  I walked by her.

  ‘You have to talk to me eventually,’ she protested. ‘You have to forgive me. I love you.’

  The flames of anger roared within my stomach. My jaw clenched and my fist curled into a tight ball. It took every last bit of self-control I had not to smack her straight in the face. Never in my life would I ever raise my hand to anyone, especially a woman, but this bitch killed my baby. She made a conscious choice to kill my baby. It was like every fibre in my being was screaming at me to kill her in return. Why did she deserve to live when she had killed my child?

  I continued to walk on.

  ‘You don’t think I regret what I did?’

  That did it.

  I turned to face her. Samantha stepped back in fear. If looks could kill I would be charged with first degree murder. I stepped forward and poked a finger towards her face. I know deep down that what I was doing was wrong. I am no bully, but what she did was beyond evil.

  ‘You killed my baby.’

  ‘I panicked,’ she replied.

  ‘You fucking liar,’ I growled the words. ‘You had an abortion and killed my child.’

  ‘I wasn’t ready.’

  ‘THEN WHY DID YOU SAY THAT YOU WERE!’ I screamed in her face. ‘You begged me to have a baby with you. You wanted this child. We talked about it for months. This wasn’t some accident. This wasn’t some mistake we made. WE WANTED THIS BABY! We tried and tried to make this baby. You have no idea how happy I was when I found out you were pregnant. I was going to be a father. I wouldn’t have done this if you weren’t ready for it. You pressured me into this. You wanted this child. And then you went off behind my back and had an abortion. I FUCKING HATE YOU.’ Samantha was in tears, but I didn’t care. I just saw red. ‘YOU KILLED MY BABY. YOU ARE A COLD BLOODED MURDERER. I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL. I WISH YOU WOULD FUCKING DIE!’

  I turned around and stormed off.

  Chapter Eight: The Baby

  ***

  I sat in front of my computer with a cold cup of coffee in my grasp. I was supposed to be working on my second adult novel, but my brain refused to budge. I made my living writing children’s books under a pen name. I enjoyed the success of my books. I liked that people enjoyed reading stories that I had created, but sexy erotic stories were more my cup of tea. I liked writing hot sex and questioning the decisions people made in life. This is the type of book I want to write. I had made a conscious decision never to write children’s books again. It was hard to force yourself to write positive and inspiring books. It was like I was lying to my readers. That wasn’t who I am. I have a dark personality. I don’t trust people. I think the world is a cruel place. I like writing books that reflect my life and decisions I have made, or should have made, or could have made. I believe the reader connects to the story more when I write from my heart, but it was hard to do that today.

  All I could think about was my baby.

  The baby Samantha had killed.

  I am not angry that she had an abortion. I don’t know what I would have done if we had an accident and she became pregnant. It is easy to say that I wouldn’t agree to an abortion, but I don’t know. Having a baby is a big decision. It had taken me a long time to come to terms with the idea that we should have a baby together. It was a conscious decision we made as a couple. We were going to have a baby and start our own little family. Samantha then went behind my back and had an abortion. Maybe, I am a hypocrite, but to me that is murder. She killed my baby. We made a conscious choice to have this baby. You cannot agree to make life and then take it away because you’re frightened of the future. If that is how she felt I would never have agreed to have the baby.

  ‘My baby...’

  I dropped my head into my hands.

  I began to sob.

  ‘I just want my baby...’

  Chapter Nine: The Publisher

  ***

  I walked into the living room and sat down next to Lucy. She was curled up in the corner of the couch. I let out a long sigh before answering my cell phone. It was a call from my publisher. It was the call I had been dreading. I was kind of hoping they would want to discuss it online, but the editor wanted to personally call me and try to sort this situation out. I hated confrontations. This was going to be a long and difficult phone call. I was not looking forward to it.

  ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hello, Logan. I read your e-mail and understand what you want to do, but I am sort of hoping we can come to some sort of agreement. Why do you want to leave the publisher?’ She got straight to the point.

  ‘I explained this in the e-mail,’ I replied. ‘I just want to step back from the children’s books and take my stories in a different direction.’

  ‘I understand and respect that, but you can do that and work for us.’

  ‘I know, but I just want a fresh start.’

  ‘Logan, you are our bestselling author. The publisher needs you.’

  ‘I apologise for doing this to you. I appreciate that you gave me this fantastic break, but I have been writing children’s novels for five years now. I don’t enjoy it. I find them hard to write and I find them depressing. I want to be true to myself. I want to work on more adult books.’

  ‘Can you just think about staying with us?’

  ‘I am sorry. I have made up my mind.’

  ‘How can we convince you to re-sign with us?’

  ‘You can’t. I have to do this for myself. I want to be happy with the books I put out.’

  ‘Just think about it for a few days. You may have a change of heart. There are thousands of writers that would give their right arm to be in the position that you are in.’

  ‘I know this. This isn’t an easy decision. I haven’t made it on a whim. I have to do this.’

  ‘We can cut back promotion. You can have more time off.’

  ‘It won’t change my mind,’ I replied. ‘I’m sorry.’

  I had a feeling this conversation was going to continue like this for the next hour.

  Chapter Ten: Research

  ***

  I sat in front of my computer and smiled. I had the biggest grin upon my face. I looked like a complete fool, but I couldn’t help it. Isabella was stunning. Our webcams were open and her image filled my screen. Isabella had beautiful long black hair. It was as dark as deep space. She had a really exotic soft mahogany skin tone and a face that looked like it had been made by the gods. Her smile was breathtaking. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a floral design. It didn’t leave much to the imagination. It hugged her perky breasts and slim body.

  ‘I can’t wait for tomorrow,’ said Isabella.

  ‘It is going to be fun,’ I replied. I clicked on my web-browser and opened my favourites menu. A list of sites I visited on a regular basis opened up. Isabella’s image shrunk down into the top right hand corner of my screen. ‘I already feel like I know you.’

  ‘It’s weird, right? I mean that in a good way.’

  I laughed. ‘I know what you mean. I honestly believe things will flow naturally when we meet. Normally, if I was meeting a woman as beautiful as you I would be so nervous and just turn into a stumbling bumbling idiot, but I don’t think there will be any of that. I think you and I will just be like we are here and on the phone. Just talk each other’s ears off.’ I loaded up several websites on different internet tabs. They were all to do with psychics and mediums posting prophecies and dreams. I checked these websites on a regular basis. Every now and again I would find someone that saw the same thing as I did, but they never had the same da
te, or they had their own interpretation as to what it could all mean. I was still struggling to find anyone that had the exact same dreams of me, which was weird considering the world would end in five days.

  ‘I hope talking isn’t the only thing we will be doing.’

  She smiled a naughty smile.

  ‘What do you have in mind?’

  I started reading the first website. It was a forum that posted information on news stories, conspiracy theories and dreams by any psychic in the world. I worked my way through the first few pages, just scanning the forum post titles, but nothing seemed to jump out at me.

  ‘Well, I was hoping to start with a kiss. I think I might have to kiss you as soon as we meet. We have talked about kissing so much. I just can’t wait until that moment when my tongue is in your mouth and your hands are on my body.’

  ‘I like the idea of my hands upon your body.’

  ‘I do, too.’ She sighed deeply. ‘I like the idea of my hands on yours, but I like the idea of my mouth on your body even more.’

  ‘And where would your mouth go?’

  I closed down the second and third tab. Nothing interesting was jumping out at me. It was the same old rubbish. These days everyone seemed to be dreaming of the apocalypse, or some kind of giant event that would change the world. Most of these people were so invested in spirituality and religion that they couldn’t tell the difference from a normal dream and a prophecy. People didn’t seem to have the same thing as me. I have had nearly a hundred predictions happen. Nobody really believes me because I am too shy to make a forum post about them. They might think I am mad, but once the prediction happens it is too late to admit I dreamt that, as it’s easy to say you predicted something after it has happened. It doesn’t matter. My dreams are for my eyes only. I don’t know where they come from. I don’t know why I get them, but I know they are important. The countdown has been happening for years. These are the final days of planet earth.

  ‘Where would you want it to go?’ she asked me.

  I closed the final website and Isabella’s image filled the screen again.

  I smiled a cheeky smile. ‘I have a few ideas.’

  ‘Do tell.’

  I shuffled in my seat. Something naughty was happening between my thighs.

  ‘I would like your lips to work their way down my body and... You know?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She gave me a mock innocent expression. ‘Say it.’

  ‘You want me to say it?’

  Her breathing had become slow and deep. ‘I do.’

  ‘I want your lips around my cock.’

  Isabella giggled like a naughty school girl. ‘Would you make me suck it?’

  ‘Yes. I would want you to suck it nice and slow.’

  Hardness was setting in.

  ‘I would look up into your eyes, as I held you in my mouth.’

  ‘I would love that,’ I told her.

  ‘I would, too. Would you moan for me?’

  ‘You wouldn’t be able to stop me from moaning.’

  ‘I like that. I like my man to moan loudly. I would moan for you.’

  ‘You would?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You would moan as I lick your pussy?’

  ‘You are so naughty, Logan.’

  ‘I’m going to be.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Do you want me to be naughty?’

  ‘I always want you to be naughty,’ she said with a smile. Isabella shuffled in her seat and reached down beneath her desk. She held up a pair of white panties in front of the camera. She manoeuvred a bit more and then held up a mini-skirt for me. ‘Are you hard?’

  ‘Yes.’

  What man wouldn’t be?

  This sexy woman was naked from the waist down. I can’t see anything, but how hot is that?

  ‘Can I see it?’

  ‘It is yours to see,’ I replied. ‘Do you want it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Do I get to see?’ I asked her.

  ‘Yes, baby.’ Isabella pulled her skin tight t-shirt off over her head. It was discarded to some far corner of the room. I would never get tired of seeing her body. She was beyond sexy. Her firm perky tits were cupped in a white lacy bra. A moment later and the bra had been removed. I sat in my chair with my mouth hung open. Isabella was gently massaging her breasts, as she smiled into her camera. ‘Let me see that rock hard cock.’

  I opened my zipper and unbuttoned my trousers.

  Isabella was smiling from ear to ear.

  I lifted my ass out of the chair and pulled my trousers and boxers down around my ankles. My long hard cock stood erect like a space shuttle ready for takeoff. Never in a million years would I dream of being naughty online. I have no idea who could possibly be watching this, but Isabella had so much power over me. She was this goddess of beauty. I wanted her so bad. Every single time I saw her I lost my self-control and my penis took over.

  I lowered my cam towards my lap.

  ‘Wow.’

  She slipped her hand out of view, but down between her thighs.

  Isabella moaned softly.

  She was stroking her pussy.

  ‘Tomorrow, I will have that in my mouth, but tonight I want you to stroke it.’

  I didn’t need telling twice. This was going to be a fun night.

  Chapter Eleven: What’s the point?

  ***

  I rolled the knife within my palm, as I looked up at the ceiling of my bedroom. The house was silent. You could hear a pin drop. I hated it. I missed my family. We had always been so close. I missed my mother, my father, and my two little brothers. The house had been full of life back then. I had brought the house when my family decided to move back up north. This is my home. Did I make the right decision? I don’t know. I never felt this lonely when I was with Samantha. She would have been curled up in bed with me right now. She was all that I needed. She was the love of my life. That life is over.

  I pressed the cold steel of the blade against my wrist.

  One quick slice and I could end it all.

  It would only hurt for a little while.

  I am tired of these morbid dreams. Every single night I go to bed and dream of death and destruction. I am fed up of it. I don’t understand why it is happening to me. Why am I so special? I am not religious. I do not believe in God. Shouldn’t someone in the Vatican be getting dreams about the end of the world? They might be able to do something about it. I can’t do shit. I am nobody. I am just some loser that lives alone. Nobody would notice if I disappeared from this world.

  I dug the knife in against my skin.

  I took a slow deep breath.

  I just had to do one quick slice. That was all.

  A wet nose was pressed up against my face. I giggled slightly and frowned at Lucy. My furry friend was standing over me with a look of concern. Her tail wagged excitedly in the air, as I smiled up at her.

  ‘Am I being selfish?’ I asked Lucy. She sat down on the bed beside me, as I gently rubbed her ears. ‘I am bitching about being alone, but I am not alone. I have you, don’t I?’ Lucy and I had always been together. My family had picked her up as a six week old puppy when I was in my early teens. She was now a little old lady that was going grey around the muzzle. The family were going to take her up north, but Lucy and I had always been joined at the hip. She was left to stay with me. She was my best friend. She was my anchor to reality.

  I placed the knife down on my bedside table.

  ‘I couldn’t leave you like that, Lucy.’

  Chapter Twelve: Daily Check Up

  ***

  I placed the last plate upon the rack and pulled the plug out of the sink. Lucy was happily tucking into the scraps of my dinner, which I had placed into her bowl. I know I shouldn’t really be doing that, but she was an old lady and deserved to have some yummy leftovers. I always cooked extra anyway, as I liked to gift Lucy with a little treat. I dried my hands on some kitchen paper and flicked on the kettle. My cell phone began
to ring. I chuckled to myself, as I glanced at the wall clock. My mother never failed to call me. It was always at this exact time.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Hello, Logan. How are you?’

  ‘I am good, Mum. How is everyone doing up there?’

  My mum gave me a quick update on how the family was doing. My brothers were in their final year of junior school. They would be making the step up to secondary school next year, which would mean they were thrown in with all the older teenagers. They had joined clubs. My youngest brother was turning into a little football star, whilst the other one had picked up his yellow belt in Karate. Apparently, my dad was still my dad and there was no news about him at all. He did like to keep life simple and straight forward. My mum shared some news about her sister and my cousins. They had also moved up north to be closer to her family. She explained about her new role at work. It was nice. For twenty minutes every night I felt like I was part of the family again. It was at this point the conversation turned to me.

  ‘How are your books coming along?’

  ‘They are doing okay. I am writing some material for an older audience at the moment. It is a new challenge, but I am enjoying it.’

  ‘Are you eating correctly?’

  I laughed. ‘Yes, Mum.’

  ‘How is Lucy?’

  ‘Lucy is doing well. I kind of like the fact people keep asking me how old my puppy is.’ Mum laughed down the phone. ‘I love the look on their face when I tell them how old she actually is. She is doing well. Lucy and Holly play together most mornings.’

  ‘And how is Clarissa?’

  ‘She is okay.’

  ‘Is she still with that idiot boyfriend?’